‘The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say ‘no’ to almost everything’ - Warren Buffet
Far too many people at work, especially leaders, are caught up in ‘busyness bubbles’.
‘Busyness’ is seductive, for whilst it is about meeting basic human needs such as being liked and wanted, it is significantly more about meeting egotistical needs such as being seen by others as important, successful, and even heroic.
The trouble is that ‘busyness’ is a delusion. It firstly leads to actually less being done and secondly is a trap where individuals (and organisations full of such people) lose control and as with all bubbles, they burst with dramatic consequences for both the individual and those around them. (see previous blog, ‘Living in a Busyness Bubble, 18th September, 2017).
Avoiding the lure and the feeling of ‘busyness’ is crucial, for as Warren Buffet says it is about ‘saying No’.
Sounds simple but for most people the answer is (an unconscious) ‘No’. Why?
‘Busyness’ builds up through a failure to manage personal ‘boundaries’. Unfortunately, many people do not understand the concept of personal boundaries, let alone how to manage them, for rarely if ever are ‘boundaries’ discussed or taught in formative education or at work.
What is a boundary?
It is a theoretical limit - a psychological boundary - between an individual and another person. It is a ‘set of rules’ an individual ‘creates’. These ‘rules’ stem from their beliefs, their social learning, and past experiences that are expressed through their attitude and lived out through their behaviour and are a mindset issue.
For example, if you leave the front door of your house unlocked you cannot control who and when another person comes in, for you have a very permeable or ‘soft’ boundary by ‘letting others in’ as and when they like. On the other hand, if you keep your door locked at all times, and so maintain a ‘rigid’ boundary, you can end up isolated for you are not just keeping ‘others out’ but also ‘pushing them away’. (To read more on four boundary types see previous blog, ‘Busyness, Boundaries, and Wellbeing’, 28th November, 2017).[1]
For the metaphor of the front door of the house lets swap it for your diary. A ‘soft boundary’ approach to diary management is at the very heart of ‘busyness’ for such an approach quickly leads to an unmanageable ‘bubble’ resulting in ‘time poverty’ and stress the outcome with too little time to meet the commitments you have made let alone for anything else.
Taking onboard the fact that when it comes to boundaries that it is you, not others, that are the ‘gatekeeper’ of your boundaries is the mindset shift needed. Examining the ‘set of rules’ that governs your boundaries is a vital exercise to your being able to say ‘No’.
The problem is that the move to online/home working over the last two years generated by the Covid pandemic has led to many people finding themselves ‘spinning’ as they seamlessly go from one online meeting to another often without a break and consequently totally out of control of their diary. Unfortunately, is now easier than ever to ‘scatter’ meeting invites around via MS Teams and Zoom (and remember here that this can make an individual look important) with the pandemic having generated ‘online heroes’ who wear the self-awarded ‘medal’ of 7-hour days of online meetings.
Many people are now not surprisingly complaining of suffering stress and burnout without recognising that this in most instances of their own making that will intensify with the return to work and ‘hybrid working’ – a mix of face-to-face, commuting, and online working – where ‘boundary’ and diary management will be more crucial than ever.
Making the mindset shift to confront ‘busyness’ starts with not just understanding its pernicious nature but by actively reducing diary commitments and recognising that your diary is yours and yours to choose what goes in it. Too many organisations have ‘open diary’ systems that disempower their employees of managing their own time as well as failing to recognise that they are contributing to ‘busyness’, employee stress and associated wellbeing issues.
Tackling ‘busyness’ and owning your diary has never been more important and saying ‘No’ to things that will go in it in the future must begin with a severe cull of not just the existing diary commitments but the goal to be disciplined to maintain this. A thing to think about is that most people in ‘busyness bubbles’ are not particularly strong on self-discipline otherwise they would not have ended up here. Are you?
A simple approach to raise self-awareness on boundary management and in particular to diary management is that of asking yourself ‘scaling questions’[2] to rate say the level of priority you give to each of the entries currently in you diary. You need to be tough here and disciplined (and many find this where a good coach can help). The scale runs from 1 low to 10 high as to importance, so any entry scaling 1-4 gets binned; 5-6 you carefully consider but to be merciless aim to bin 50% of these; whilst and those with a 7 and above you maintain but review after as to whether this was the right decision.
Boundary management is about self-discipline and continual learning for as Buffet advocates, you need ‘to say No to almost everything’.
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